Stories and other things I've written over time
It was early January of 2025, me and my unit were stationed in a southern city in ukraine. We had been guns for hire, from an American private military company, working for the Ukrainian military as they needed extra resources to fend off the Russian military. There was a difficulty with communication between us English speakers and the slavic soldiers who only spoke a language understood by our squad leader. This particular point we had been holding down was the center for the Ukrainian industrial complex. The majority of arms and vehicles had been made here. If this city was captured, then the war would without doubt turn in the russian's favor. It couldn't have been later than 3 in the morning when we were awoken by the sounds of a Russian carpet bombing run. Me and the men in our unit put on our gear and took position, looking for any invading russians. We saw none. We soon decided that our position on the ground level was not going to help us. With permission from our squad leader, we moved to the rooftops of the shutdown banks. About 10 stories high, we continued to scout. We again saw no russians. An hour passed, I was on a different part of the roof, relieving myself of what little hydration I had, when I heard the low droning white noise of a drone. Not thinking anything of it, assuming it was ukrainian. I did not alert my team. Couldn't have been 20 seconds later when I heard the unmistakable sound of a F-1 grenade going off. The sound of my squad as they screamed in agony just to be cut off by the embrace of death. Before I could react, I heard thousands more explosions. It was haunting. I was certain there were no survivors in my unit, let alone the Ukrainian military posted here, and to assure all my worries, a mortar barrage was deployed on the city. I ran down the building's stairwell to get to the bottom. The building was hit dead on, the roof collapsed above me. I was knocked unconscious.When I came to, I was at the bottom of the stairwell, missing my backpack and bleeding from several cuts on my arm. I was surrounded by rubble, but, as if some soldier of heaven was smiling down on me, I spotted an opening. I grabbed my trusty rifle, a M4A1, and crawled through. After several minutes of coughing from the dust and debris in the air I had finally been able to breathe. Taking in my surroundings it started to sink in how much danger I was in. My unit was stationed in the center of the city when the attacks happened. Considering what just happened it was not a stretch to assume that the city had been captured by this point. I was one soldier, surrounded by an army. I looked around the room I was in, an old office building repurposed to be made into an ammunition plant. The roof was caved in with dust and debris everywhere. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted my backpack, ripped to shreds from the collapse. I salvaged what I could, a first aid kit, CMS field surgery kit, a canteen, an Iskra ration pack, and a cat tourniquet. I used the first aid kit to tend to the cuts on my arm and used the CMS surgery kit to stitch up the wounds. I check my plate carrier, three 30 round magazines and a class 5 plate. I checked my weapon, a suppressed M4A1, it was in working condition. I had enough to defend myself for now but the longer I stayed, the more Russians would come to the city. I had to act fast if I wanted to survive, but being extremely wounded and tired, I set up a sleeping spot. I covered myself in a thermal blanket and rested so I could be in working condition.The morning after the attacks were uncomfortably quiet, only the occasional sound of gunfire broke the silence. I was in the dead center of the city. I had decided that my best way out was through heading south, away from the invasion point and towards the nearest Ukrainian military base. I had no sense of time at this point, I have to imagine it wasn't past 7am when I left the building. The streets were lined by debris and rubble from fallen buildings. There were no signs of life except for the vultures feeding on the bodies of the men I had fought beside for the last 6 months. I wandered from building to building, avoiding staying out in the open for too long. I had gone at least 3 kilometers and settled in an auto repair shop when I heard the sound of a Russian BTR, a personnel carrier armored to the teeth and equipped with turrets, the machine struggling to get past the rubble. After a while of struggling the machine broke down, right in front of where I was hiding. The men stepped out of the vehicle to assess the damages. There were at least 6 men, far more than I could handle on my own. I sat completely still for what seemed like hours. After a while they realized they couldn't fix it. I had to do something or else they would find me. I moved from a prone to a crouch very carefully so as to not alert them, and slowly I walked backwards, heading towards the stairs of this auto repair shop. The stairs were outside, the garage was left open on both sides. I crept up the stairs to the roof. I watched as four of the men headed inside the shop. Two of the men stayed with the BTR,on the side facing away from the open garage. realizing i had no way out without being spotted i decided that my best chance was to pick the men off, one by one. The men were not in full kit,just carrying suppressed Ak-12s, probably told by command that the city was safe. I took aim and took out the first man, before the second man could react, he also befell the same fate. Two out of six. A suppressed rifle is not completely silent but the men inside had been making alot of noise messing with the machinery, enough to the point of the rifle being not noticeable. I knew that my M4A1 wouldn't be viable for long considering the lack of ammunition. I decided that I need one of the AK-12s, their ammo was much more common and if I didn't take these ones, I wouldn't find better ones. The Russian army does not typically equip their soldiers with modified weapons, many soldiers using weapons from previous generations, so the suppressed AK-12 was a rare sight and worth taking. I couldn't just jump down to the BTR, it'd make too much noise and I'd likely fracture my legs. I was thinking of ways to get down when I heard the creak of the rusty stairs leading to the roof. I had little time to react, so I switched my M4A1 to full auto, and took cover behind a ventilation unit. All four men came up. Without time to think I popped out from behind cover and sprayed the 4 men. None of them expected an attack. They could not draw their weapons from their slings before they were riddled with bullets. Three of the men died instantly, last one was wounded when I heard the unmistakable sound of the click of an empty mag. The last man was too wounded to fight back and started crying something in russian, i did not understand. I reloaded and with one final scream the last man went down. I wasted no time. I grabbed one of their suppressed AK-12s and as many magazines as I could carry. I took the holosight and vertical foregrip off of my M4A1 and attached it to my new AK-12 and went to check the BTR for supplies.
May 13th, 2022 Kendrick Lamar would release his 5th Studio album “Mr. Morale and The Big Steppers,” the single most influential piece of media in my life. Growing up I was troubled. I am suspected to be autistic; I am known to be mentally ill. Depression, anxiety, trouble understanding and sympathizing. I was not well parented. If I acted out, got too much to handle, I was thrown into an inpatient program at a mental hospital. My parents traumatized me in many ways. I was forced into therapy, which never helped. My trauma had defined me for a long time. Making me feel worthless, nothing more than the combination of my trauma. My only real escape was music. I turned seventeen; I started discovering myself, defining myself, and understanding my circumstances. I started to see people as more than just background noise. I didn't get far on my own with these concepts, but it was enough to start healing. In the Summer of 2024 Kendrick Lamar would have his famous rap beef with Drake, with his hit song “Not Like Us” being everywhere. This introduced me to Kendrick Lamar and his legendary work. May 13th, 2022 Kendrick Lamar would release his 5th Studio album “Mr. Morale and The Big Steppers.” This is the single most influential piece of media in my life. Along with his other albums, “To Pimp A Butterfly” and “Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City” Kendrick Lamar has changed my life. “Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City” is the story about Kendrick losing one of his friends in a gunfight; the album has one of the most influential Hip-Hop songs ever. “Sing About Me, I’m Dying Of Thirst” is the climax of the album; with Kendrick holding his dying friend, Dave, in his arms. Kendrick Lamar reminisces on how he feels now looking back years later. “Everyone is a victim in my eyes…” is the most impactful line of all time to me. A statement saying that everyone has their own trauma and issues. It readjusted how I interact with people. “To Pimp A Butterfly” is the Story of Kendrick Lamar dealing with his transition into fame and adulthood. Kendrick Lamar stated in interviews that this was an album made during some of the most depressing times of his life. He expressed that during the making of the album that he was suicidal and depressed, a sentiment I can relate to. “u” and “Alright” are two parts of the story that significantly impacted me. “u” is Kendrick Lamar alone in a hotel room screaming his suicidal idealations, his trauma, and his self hatred. Getting more unstable as the song progresses it's a genuine representation of a mental episode. One that felt very real, almost scarily so. “Alright” is Kendrick Lamar the next day singing about his episode the night before; the message being potent. Despite everything we have been through, and everything we will go through, “we gonna be alright.” The message is beautiful and strong. “Mr. Morale and The Big Steppers” is the story of Kendrick Lamar letting out every secret he has. Telling the world his downfalls so he can come to terms with what he's done, to try to educate people after his mistakes, and to be a guiding figure for the youths of our world. Kendrick Lamar spent six years healing and writing this album. Incorporating the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, he gives a powerful 19 track album. “Father Time” is a song about Kendrick Lamar's childhood and experience with his father. This song resonated with me on a deep level. Both our fathers were aggressive in their teachings and borderline harmful. “N95” is a song about the masks people online wear. People posing themselves as better than others via things such as cancel culture, insults, photoshop, among other things. These sentiments incorporate the teachings of Eckhart Tolle and his concept of the Ego. The Ego feeds on feeling better or more important than others. The Ego will form your identity if not careful. These teachings lead into “Savior interlude”. A song about a young man recounting his traumatic experiences growing up with his abusive family. A message I resonate with. traumatic events in my childhood, for a while, defined me. “Savior interlude” and the teachings of Eckhart Tolle teaches that the Ego will feed on traumatic experiences to try and define your identity. It sees your trauma as a way that you're special and more important than others. Everyone has experienced tragedies and trauma. It doesn’t make you better than anyone else. What it makes you, human.
Note : I was word capped, I couldn't write more based on the guidelines of the essay.